Mom is smiling. She is ecstatic. She just left Auschwitz Concentration Camp where she was a dying slave.
I took on her slave mentality. I was a victim of her camp experience because her broken psyche replayed her victimization on me. I have had a slave victim mentality since early childhood. It was thrust upon me by the woman I loved and trusted the most.
God is a great teacher and I am learning to sift between what was my Mom’s mess and mine.
The most recent Lesson was to understand the difference between Dominatrices:
Two women I met this month are Dominatrices. One is an equestrian, the other is not. Both women are very powerful. Both women are beautiful. Both women know their worth. One played me; the other did not.
Fascinating conversation with the Dom who played me…I could feel her reach into me and work up my excitement in knowing her. I was making suggestions that were way off the range of the original deal. I was idolizing her. I was loving my slave master.
When my Spirit sipped in the slick toxins I was drinking in, my Spirit exploded. I experienced a eureka moment and saw the game. I had a choice and made it. I chose Clean and Clear Business practices; I sent her my website with prices, sizes, payment schedules. No more was I idolizing her. Numbers are my saviors.
And I haven’t heard from her since.
The other woman did not play me. Her accounting of data was excellent, clear and precise. Also strong and powerful and beautiful, she respected me. She honored my worth. I am doing business with her.
My Mom was never paid for her slavery. I know she didn’t mean to harm me but the profound truth was that she was overwhelmed by her enslavers. Which is probably why I have no taste for S&M, bondage or Dom/Slave mentalities.